walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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