go do what you do best...puke behind churches
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
