i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I sprained my soul last night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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