why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
