I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
