Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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