I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
