need another drink. this is the easiest way
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is the high leading the old right now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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