I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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