i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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