I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
