im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize