apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize