shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
