i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
