i just wanna soil my oats bro
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
