so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
