I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
