I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize