Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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