Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
