I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
