I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
