But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
