weddingsv make me drug and hornr
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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