Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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