Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
