I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
