The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
