just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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