It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
