it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
