The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
