so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
