Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
