Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
