OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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