I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
