i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
