a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
