sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
