I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize