So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
