i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
