She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize