I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize