I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
