I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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