Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize