Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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