I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
