I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
