I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
