dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
