Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you had me at cake vodka
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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