did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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