that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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