I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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