i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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