omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
