Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
