So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
