she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
