Is it because I queefed?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
